True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
