dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
