You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
