i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
