i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
