Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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