Your face is a jimmy john
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
