all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
