Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize