Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
