I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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