Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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