my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
