There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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