the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
