I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
