i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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