Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
