I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
