Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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