so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
