We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
