also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
