Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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