Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
