I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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