Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
