We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Boobs are out for the taking
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
