Just fell off a train. Bad.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
