Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
