I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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