is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
