Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
