Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
