i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
