I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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