he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
