So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
