ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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