the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
