1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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