You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
