i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
FUCK WHALES
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
