I hope mine doesn't look like that
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
