I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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