I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
