I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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