the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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