plz talk dirty to me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
