I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
