do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
