he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
