This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
