my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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