I just threw up on my dentist
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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